“Food as Medicine” Advocate Found Dead
--
WESTCHESTER, NY — A local proponent for the “Food as Medicine” movement was found dead in her home late Sunday evening of an apparent arugula overdose.
I sat down with a spokesperson for the TSNPC (Take Snack Not Pharmaceutical Crack) — the organization which popularized the Food as Medicine movement in the tri-state area.
Q: What can you tell us about this tragedy?
A: While the TSNPC has not released an official statement at this time, I can say that all of us at TSNPC are saddened by the passing of a loyal supporter.
Q: We’re told that the young woman overdosed on arugula — which was prescribed to her by a so-called “farmacist” associated with your organization. Has the TSNPC taken any action against the implicated farmacist?
A: While it has been confirmed that the deceased was prescribed arugula for acute rectal pneumonia in the summer of 2020, the prescription had no active refills at the time of her death.
Q: In that case, do you have any information on how the woman was able to procure the arugula from which she overdosed?
A: We were told by detectives on the case that it was counterfeit arugula, likely bought at a local farmer’s market and cut with cheaper, stronger vegetables. Most likely alfalfa sprouts.
Q: Does the TSNPC take responsibility for the woman’s addiction to arugula, and an unsafe, unsupervised weaning off of the greens once they were no longer needed for her rectal pneumonia?
A: The TSNPC does not wish to publicly comment on that at this time.
Q: And how much has the TSNPC made this fiscal year from its position in the Big Fooda Industry?
A: I am not equipped with that figure at this time. However, the TSNPC is a publicly traded organization, so that information is at your disposal.
Q: I’m glad you brought that up. I wanted to talk to you about some recent allegations brought against one of your major shareholders, the Jolly Green Giant. Is there anything you can share with us about this recent scandal?
A: The allegations that Mr. Jolly Green Giant was jacking up the price of acai are preposterous and completely unfounded. However, as it is an open investigation, I cannot comment further on the acai situation.
Q: Uh-huh. Do you or the TSNPC have any thoughts in closing?
A: On behalf of everyone at the TSNPC, I would just like to remind everyone to eat their vegetables.
Just not too many. All of us at RealNewsForReal send our deepest condolences to the family of the deceased.
